More than Words
While there is a plethora of readily accessible information concerning effective communication, a disproportionate amount of counsel is devoted to the honing of one’s verbal communication skills. This is quite unfortunate, since it has been estimated that as much as 93 percent of communication is nonverbal in nature. If such statistics are to be believed, a meager seven percent of the message we present is comprised of our words, the remaining amount consisting of such things as eye movement, vocal tone, speed of speech, facial expressions, use of space, gestures, posture, inflection, eye contact, and body movement. To a business person who has predominately focused on verbal communication in his or her efforts to become more successful in his or her chosen field, this realization should be sobering. This is especially true because, theoretically, a person could have all the right words, and still fail miserably.
Fortunately, one can be taught to become an expert at nonverbal communication, though it will almost certainly require considerable effort since most of the mannerisms involved seem to be hardwired into our brains and subconscious behavior. The only solution is to take a thorough inventory of our habits and tendencies and begin to diligently work to eliminate those that are counterproductive, refine those that are ambiguous, and adopt those that are beneficial.
When undertaking this challenge, you may find it helpful to enlist the assistance of a friend, family member, or coworker. Practice giving the presentation you have been working on, stage a mock interview in which you are asked numerous thought-provoking and difficult questions, or role-play giving your sales pitch to a difficult and skeptical customer. Be as natural as you can possibly be, in order that your friend may be able to get a clear picture of the mannerisms people are likely to see from you in your business interactions, as well as in daily life. Have her or him jot down notes about your eye contact, facial expressions, vocal properties, and other nonverbal cues.
After the interaction has concluded, ask your friend to review the notes that he or she has taken and reflect on the emotional and intellectual impact that your cues produced. For example, “When I asked you why your competitor has had a higher rate of repeat business than your business does, you repeated the question back to me and then paused before answering after I affirmed that that was indeed my question. You also sighed, leaned back in your chair, swiveled your chair, looked at the ceiling, bit on your lip, and darted your eyes around. The explanation that followed was compelling and believable in and of itself, but I was not convinced because your nonverbal cues indicated to me that you were unprepared for this question and unsure of how to answer it. This gave me the impression that your answer was not truthful.” Your ten-minute explanation may have been enough to win over your prospective client, but it was sabotaged by your ten-second gut reaction to the question.
Posture
When one is seeking to learn effective nonverbal communication, one of the first things that he or she should address is his or her posture. Firmly plant both of your feet flat on the ground. Stand erect, but not rigidly so. Put your shoulders back, chest out and up, and chin raised. Obviously, it is possible to go overboard in one’s quest to have good posture, and end up giving off a different and unintended vibe all together. To practice the proper stance, stand tall and straight with your back up against a wall. Move your shoulders back until they are flat against the wall. This is the correct shoulder position to recreate. To determine how far forward to position your chest, take a deep breath in. Notice how your chest rises. Rather than pushing out your chest, focus on raising your rib cage. When determining the level to which to raise your chin, try to keep in mind that if you raise your chin too much you will exhibit the appearance of “looking down your nose” at your audience, and if you do not raise your chin enough, you will look submissive or uncertain.
When sitting, follow the same guidelines: feet flat on the floor, back erect, shoulders back, chest up. Pay attention to what part of your body is in the seat. You should be seated slightly forward so that your pelvis is flat on the seat, rather than sitting slightly backward on your tailbone, which puts much more of a strain on your back. Do not hunch over, slump, or lean, and keep your arms and legs uncrossed.
Proximity
Unfortunately, guidelines on proximity and use of space are not as clear-cut as those governing other considerations, and they vary widely based on culture and other factors. A good rule to follow is that if you are well-acquainted and amicable with an individual, two to four feet is acceptable; if you are moderately well-acquainted with a group, four to seven feet is ideal; and seven to twelve feet should be the aim when speaking to a group of people with whom you are unfamiliar. Try to read nonverbal cues; however, if your audience is leaning in toward you, you could close in the gap between you a little bit. If they begin leaning backward, crossing their arms and legs, tapping their feet, averting their eyes, or showing other signs of discomfort, take a few steps back. If you plan to be interacting with members of a much different culture, it would be wise to do a little bit of research on their customs for social interactions before the first meeting.
Eye Contact and Movement
It is actually a myth that honest people make and maintain eye contact, while dishonest people tend to avoid looking into another’s eyes. In fact, intensely unwavering eye contact may be just the opposite: it may indicate deception, probably because liars are making a focused effort to conceal their dishonesty. Eye contact is actually an indication of confidence and attentiveness, which is an equally important message to send. Besides, if enough people believe that eye contact is a measure by which a person’s trustworthiness can be gained, you would be wise to take heed of that, regardless of whether or not it is factual.
Therefore, you should certainly make every effort to make a reasonable amount of eye contact, but do not overdo it to the point that you seem as if you are staring at someone. If you sense that you are making someone uncomfortable, immediately reduce the amount of eye contact you are using. When you are giving a speech to a large group of people, be sure to look all around the room at your audience to be sure you are drawing everyone in, making everyone feel as if you are addressing them. Be aware of the natural tendency that many speakers and performers have toward paying an inordinate amount of time to those seated on their dominant side. You should pick a few faces in every section to focus on, in a large audience, making eye contact with them for five to 10 seconds before moving on to the next face. In smaller audiences, you should decrease the time to three to five seconds, as you will likely be looking at the same people numerous times and do not want to make them feel uncomfortable.
Avoid allowing your eyes to shift rapidly around. Be especially conscious of eye movements when you are being questioned. No matter what, do not roll your eyes, even jokingly, under any circumstances. Also avoid rapid blinking, which indicates to someone that you are not being forthcoming and honest.
Facial Expressions
Be expressive, but relaxed. Be careful not to squint, scowl, knit your brow together, or stick out your tongue. Make a conscious effort to relax the muscles around your eyes and mouth, the most common areas in which tension is expressed. Smile when appropriate, and make sure that your eyes smile, as well as your mouth. You may certainly raise your brow and widen your eyes when appropriate, but be conscious of these expressions and do not allow yourself to use them unless doing so helps you put a point across.
Gestures
Similarly, gestures should only be used for a specific purpose. Use them freely, but purposely. Never hide your hands, which is seen as a sign of dishonesty. This means you must avoid putting your hands behind your back, in your pockets, or under the table. Gesture with open hands that are outstretched toward your audience. Avoid pointing at people or in their vicinity. Do not scratch or rub your face, neck, or any other body part. Do not bite your fingernails, tap your fingers, or fiddle. In short, you should be totally mindful at all times of every gesture you make. Be calculating. If a gesture serves no purpose, do not make it.
Vocal Considerations
How often have you heard the expression, “That one is a real fast talker?” As you are probably aware, the phrase is used to describe someone as dishonest, manipulative, or sneaky. For this reason, as well as for the purpose of simply making yourself easy to understand, you should speak at a steady, moderately paced rate. Do not speak too slowly, or at the worst, you risk making yourself seem unintelligent or as if you perceive your audience to be unintelligent. At best, you will probably lose your listeners’ attention.
Speak in your natural pitch, if you must speak loudly to be heard, use your diaphragm to power your voice. Do not shout or speak in a higher pitch; do not sigh or unnecessarily clear your throat. Enunciate clearly and use a warm tone. Exercise control over your thoughts and feelings in order to not let irritation, boredom, insecurity, or other emotions seep into your message. Strive to really feel confident, interested, and appreciative, and to give a sense of camaraderie. Otherwise, all your efforts will be for naught.
These are the basics of nonverbal communication. In a future article, how to interpret the nonverbal messages and cues coming from others will be discussed.